On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i came on her dog
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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