I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
