Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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