I cannot find my penis.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize