i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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