I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
