You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
