remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
