Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
