everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
