what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
