It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
