So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
