i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
