fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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