last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
