Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
