I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
