Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
