I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is my gift to your gina
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize