She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
