we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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