i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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