I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
