But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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