well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was born a porn star she said
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
