he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
