What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
