:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
