I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
