Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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