Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
