I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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