We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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