evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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