So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
