Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is classic penis vs brain.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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