Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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