I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize