It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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