A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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