can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
