Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize