is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
