Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
