I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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