im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
