Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize