I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
