please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
