She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
