So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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