Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
