9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
