4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
