she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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