i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
