dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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