My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
