awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
