hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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