Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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