Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize