Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
