so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
