You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
