roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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