You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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