I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
