just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize