They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My vagina just clenched in fear
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
