Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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