Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize