i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
