You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
