And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
