I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
