I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
