By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This girl is more easily done than said...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
