Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
