We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
