There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
