told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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