i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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