It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
