Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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