he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
