i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
