Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
