this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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