sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
