he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
