Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
