just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone came in the potted fern
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
