I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my shit smells like andre
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
