I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
