How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
