I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
