1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
