Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
