That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
