you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
