I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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