Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
