What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
