and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize