We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a search helicopter?!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
