new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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