I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize