You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
