the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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