Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
