if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
