Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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