and she was petting her beer can
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
