hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
